And the Winner is...

Briana!! Thank you to all of you for entering. Briana please email me at jeremiahsboxes@gmail.com with your address so I can get the book on it's way to you. Hugs to all of you.

25 Days of Giveaways!!

Today is my turn to host a giveaway!!! Hooray!!Let me first thank Tina over at Living without Sofia and Ellie for allowing me to participate in this years giveaways. 

 I am sorry that I posted this late in the day...but here it is- I have given this book away before but think it is so worthy of giving it away again. The book is written in such a great way that it helps the reader know that you are not alone on this terrible journey.

To enter just comment on how you remember your precious baby.

I feel like every experience we face as people can only make us better. After the loss of Jeremiah I have started Jeremiah's boxes to keep his memory alive and help other families that have faced loss. I also make memory butterflies for other families. As a mom to my living kids, it makes me realize how lucky I am that they are here and healthy and that I must practice patience (which is sometimes hard).

I will close the giveaway on  Friday at 8pm. Good Luck!!!

Bad Place

Let me start with the happy part of this post. I will be hosting a giveaway on Dec 21st as part of the 25 days of give aways. Hooray!!

Now for the not so good- I'm in a really bad place right now. I am not talking physically but emotionally. I seem to have forgotten who I am. I look in the mirror and I wonder where that person I use to know so well has gone. I am taking some time in the next few months to re-evaluate where I am going as a person and what parts of me I need to find and which I need to purge. Part of my "brokeness" does stem from Jeremiah's loss but the rest of it goes deeper. I hope and pray I can find happiness again. Hugs to all.......

A Turkey for my Turkey

***This post is older. My computer has been broken and I was just able to finish it.

 I am thinking that retailers here in my area have forgotten that there is a holiday in between Halloween and Christmas. It's called Thanksgiving. I have been trying unsuccessfully, for the last 3 weeks to find a turkey for my little turkey's special space. This was frustrating me quite a bit. I decided that since Thanksgiving is around the corner and I may not find a turkey in time I would pull out my November teacher tub and see if I had one in there that I could take to him. (I keep all of my school decorations, worksheets, projects, books for each month or theme in a tub-It was an obsession at one point to have it all together and organized). I pulled out the tub that I had not opened since Dec. 2007, with hopes of finding a turkey well I found more than I ever thought I would. In Nov of 2007 I made turkey shirts with my kindergartners for our friendship feast. As I opened the tub, I noticed that one of my little ones did not take their shirt with them after the feast. I opened up the shirt and saw the cute little hand print in the front. I looked to see whose shirt it belonged to and to my surprise it said

"Jeremiah". My heart dropped with a sense of both sadness and happiness. About ten minutes later I went to the mailbox and found these.

Needless to say I felt some happiness in my heart. I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving with some peace in their heart.

Poem Help

Hi ladies! I need some help...I want to make the memory butterflies better. One way I was thinking about was to give mommies an option on which poem they would like to go with their butterflies. I know I could have just googled butterfly poems but I wanted to know which poems have really touched you on this journey, especially ones that mention butterflies. Please email me at jeremiahsboxes@gmail.com or comment with the poem below. Thank you so much for your help.

I also want to have a giveaway soon but I'm waiting for the 60th follower to host that so if your interested...keep an eye out!

Hugs!

Perspective

So I belong to my local AMEND group here in Tampa. Now this group has a facebook page where BLM post questions or articles and such. One of the mommies who lost their sweet little girl last September asked a question- Here it is:

My daughter passed away over a year ago, and I have pictures of her on the walls, My stepson is 3 and his pictures are all over the house I think its only fair to also my daughter on the wall, and put her box from the hospital out by my desk in the living room. Am I wrong?

Mostly people responded telling her that she needs to do what is best for her, but this response made me read it more than twice.

Hi everyone! I wanted to share a different perspective on this issue. I'm sharing all of this with you because I hope to spare you the pain of losing more friends in this process. Just as we don't want them to judge us for how we handle our pain & memories. we must also not judge THEM because they can't deal. I love your quote Raquel but unfortunately it's very true. Most can NOT deal with the heaviness of grief that have and are walking through. We have to. We weren't given a choice. Life happened. But they don't have to, they can choose to distance themselves. After almost 6 years we are grieved by all the friends who "fell away" because they couldn't deal. I wish looking back that I would have saved the majority of my grieving process for AMEND & the friends I made there. Unfortunately I was ignorant & shared openly with all of our "normal" friends & family & when we weren't "better" after the first 2-3 mo that people allow for grieving, they began to drift away. I miss all of them so much because they have memories of our baby & my pregnancy in their hearts that I won't ever have access to because I was ignorant in my grief process. That is why I share. You might not want to lose your babies & your friends too. Our baby ___  picture is hanging in our stairway so that people who come to visit now only see her if they go upstairs & if they want to. Just weigh the cost & hopefully learn from our grief process how NOT to lose your friends too. ♥

So it's okay to spare your feelings to save your friends?? This advice bothered me some....I know everyone grieves differently but what's wrong with grieving openly??

Decision Made and Some Thank you's!

Hi!! I am happy to say I made my decision on whether or not to go private or not. This month marks a year of when I first decided to start blogging about my experience. I was inspired by all the other strong women before me, I never thought I would have followers. Reading all of your comments and as well as seeing a new follower helped me decide to stay public. It fills my heart to know that someone is reading about Jeremiah's short life. Hooray!! The only thing I am going to change is that I will take down the Jellybean Chronicles and the pictures of my living kids. I do plan on mentioning Jeremiah's siblings but will not add any more pictures of them for their safety. I do have pictures of them on facebook and I do have a couple of you as friends, if you would like to be added just send me a friend request and let me know your a fellow BLM.

Before I let out all of the feelings that have bottled up inside I want to let some wonderful women know how thankful I am to them....first Sarita Meredith's mom sent me some very cute stickers out of the blue. It was great to get them in the mail. Thank you Sarita. Caroline from the Croley Gang sent me Jeremiah's name stitched but she went above and beyond and sent me a stitch of V's name with rainbow hearts. Absolutely beautiful! Thank you Caroline.

Alessa's grandmother from Treasures from the Heart made Jeremiah's names in beads....Thank you so much!

Tonight I went to visit Jeremiah's spot after going to the air show with the little ones and my husband. It is always sad to see that a new baby has joined babyland. I miss him dearly, even 15 months later my heart hurts to know he is gone. I struggle daily trying to figure out why this happened. Most of the time I can turn it off because I get busy with the babies but today even though I had a great time with my husband and kids it hurt. It hurt because I know at this point he's suppose to be walking, saying some words, laughing, waving etc. but he's not here! The guilt also sucks! All the things I could have done differently...I play them over and over again in my head. People don't realize the pain, I sometimes feel like I have to wear a mask to make them feel comfortable and it stinks. I miss you Jeremiah!

Go Private??

Thank you for all your comments. I love reading them.....I am happy to say Baby V is still doing great and my kitchen is finished we went from corrian counter tops to granite. It looks beautiful!! 

I've been contemplating going private with my blog these last couple of weeks. One main reason I want to is because I have pictures of my babies on this blog and that really scares me- that someone will take their pictures and use them as their own. The main reason why I do not want to is because I know when I first lost Jeremiah reading other BLM blogs helped me realize that I was not alone and that everything I was feeling was normal- even if in my mind I felt like I was being irrational reading others blogs gave me comfort. Eventually all of this reading compelled me to begin blogging myself. Also, reading other BLM blogs who went on to have a rainbow baby also gave me hope, that I too can one day have my rainbow. So the decision of going private is very difficult. I think in the next couple of weeks I will make my decision...this is Jeremiah's place and his siblings are part of his story so just not talking about them or including them would not be fair to Jeremiah's story after all this is my life after Jeremiah. =0)

Speaking of my special little man I totally miss him. It's been very difficult for me because I am not able to make it to his special area as much as I would like to...it makes me sad that we are almost at the end of October and I have not been able to bring his fall/Halloween decorations over to him. =0( You would think since I am not working I would have more time but I feel like I had more time for EVERYTHING when I was working. Weird but true. I must make time this week to go...it's just so hard with workers coming in and out of my house and going with my 3 year old who chases butterflies all over baby land- even though it's cute because I feel like he is chasing after his brother it is distracting and not to mention disrespectful. So I promise you Jeremiah- I will get to your special spot this week. I love you little bullfrog!!!!

September

I feel like such a bad friend to all of you lately. I have been MIA but please know I think of all your babies all the time. I have been catching up with my blog reading and want to say congratulations to all the mommies for all the new rainbows on their way. Totally praying for you and your babies.

September was a crazy month. It all started on Labor Day. We took a trip to Orlando and when we got back Sunday night our kitchen was flooded with water. Our faucet burst and water leaked EVERY WHERE!! It has been crazy with two small babies, having no sink, eating out, and having a mess all over my house because my counters and cabinets were gone. Then a week later baby V had a very high fever, I took her to our pediatrician and she had a bacterial infection and had to be hospitalized and have surgery. It was scary to see my two month old baby in that state. All I could do was pray as I watched the nurses poke her and the surgeon mark on her skin so they could drain the MRZA that was growing in her. I am so glad that my prayers were answered and she recovered well. I didn't want to lose her too. Two days later, I lost a very close friend. I have been working on dealing with all the emotions and feelings about that. Then to close out the crazy month my 30th birthday made its way here. It was so much better than last year. Last year on my birthday, I sat in front of my son's grave holding his older brother in my lap. I just cried and cried. This year was better but someone was still missing. So here we are October 13th and my kitchen is still not finished, baby V is doing great, I miss my friend, and I am now 30. Crazy huh?

Hugs to all!

14 Months Later

So today marks 14 months since I loss my little Jeremiah. I think of him every day, many think that because baby V is in our lives that Jeremiah has been forgotten. I say NEVER! He is mine, mine forever. He is always on my mind. Jeremiah's boxes will still be donated yearly and I have still been making butterflies for families who have loss a precious child. With that being said as a family we took a trip to Disney world and while walking back to the car I started to think about him and how much fun it would have been to have 3 little people to enjoy this day with but we only had two...not even 2 minutes later I saw this....another sign he is always close.

 With that being said since baby V has entered our lives the blow of Jeremiah's loss has been softened. Don't get me wrong she does not replace him in any way but her arrival has brought back some type of happiness and has also brought hope. It has been 2 months since she arrived and she is the sweetest little baby. She has started smiling and cooing and at times it looks like she is cooing at Jeremiah because she will start smiling and cooing at just a random space with nothing there. I definitely think that he is watching over her and who knows maybe she can see him.

I can't believe 14 months have gone by so quickly....I love you Jeremiah!

Facebook???

Ahh... Facebook!! I have a love hate relationship with this social networking site. It is such a wonderful way to stay in touch with friends and family. However, it can bring out certain emotions especially as a BLM. When I first loss Jeremiah, I deactivated my account. It was so frustrating and infuriating to hear pregnancy updates as well as newborn baby pictures. After a few months in November 2010, I reactivated it mainly because I wanted to keep in touch with certain people. However in January I deactivated it again. I recently activated it again shortly before Jeremiah's angel day in July. Mainly because I wanted people to remember him on his special day. I also kept it open to announce Baby V's arrival. After deleting half of my friends list, (Mainly people who I really just had on my friends list because I knew them) it has been active since. Well yesterday I remembered why I had deactivated it for such a long period of time. My husband's stepbrothers wife is currently pregnant with baby #3. She was very neglectful with her first 2 pregnancies and there were rumors that she had been smoking with baby 2. These two little ones are now 5 and 6. At that time, I was irritated with her because I would give anything to be in her position, I had a really hard time getting pregnant with my first child and could not believe that she took that for granted. I am not a perfect mom, but I don't care if I look like a hot mess but my house and kids look in order. And up until V's birth I worked full time. (I have taken the school year off to stay home with my two munchkins...) Her house is always a mess, her kids are always dirty and she does not work. Now here is her husbands post from yesterday-----

This was smoked by my wife in about a little over a month. Note that she has known she's pregnant for 3 months.

Really?????? I did everything I could to keep Jeremiah alive. I took the medicines doctors told me to, I did every test they made me run. I took my prenatals every day, made sure I ate healthy foods, etc. Never once did I do anything knowingly to harm him but yet he's gone!! Gone forever and this chick is sitting here knowingly putting these toxins in her body. Really??? I did not comment on his post. It took everything in me not to...mainly because my husband told me not to get involved and he is right. But it is still infuriating- all I can do is pray that- that little one in her body gets here safely. I also sit here wondering if I should deactivate my account again.  Mainly because posts like this send me back to that angry place- a place where I fall back into grief. They are horrible triggers. I guess that is life---full of triggers from Styrofoam coolers to little flags in the ground they all trigger that same sadness all over again. The constant reminder that someone so important is missing.

I love you Jeremiah!!!

Dreams

While pregnant with Jeremiah I had a couple of dreams where I dreamt I had a baby and of course M was in the dream too, he doted on his sibling and played around them. M helped with and asked questions about the baby. The only problem- The baby was a girl. I was pregnant with a boy. After I loss him I had another weird dream where I had a six month old daughter and Matthew. Yet I wasn't pregnant at that point nor did I know if I would have another.  I found that dream strange as well. Then I had this dream about Jeremiah...but he wasn't in it. While pregnant with V--- I had another dream where I was pregnant with twins, one was a boy who passed away at 28 weeks (that's when we loss Jeremiah) and the other baby was a girl but since she was still healthy I had to carry her to term, she was born at 37 weeks (which is when V was born.) Two nights ago I had this dream where my two earth babies were playing and Jeremiah's name kept being said, however no image of Jeremiah. Now that V is here and things happened the way they did with her pregnancy many of these dreams make sense. Although I have heard about the power of dreams I ever really put much thought into them until just recently when V was born. There is one dream I wish I could have- one of Jeremiah- his image and his life in heaven. That is one I would love to have-I wonder if I ever will.....

I would love to hear about your dreams of your baby after your loss or while pregnant with your babies. I think there is something to them.

Hugs to you all!

The Alternative

Before I start my post I want to ask that you keep Dana- Jacob's mommy in your thoughts as she is still pregnant with her rainbow but things are not looking so great. Also, I met Whitney last October at the AMEND support group. She lost her daughter Emma last February to a rare form of dwarfism. She was told by doctors about her daughters condition at 12 weeks but chose to carry Emma to term. She got married this March and has now moved to Australia. She found out 2 or 3 months ago she was expecting her rainbow and I found out this morning that she has lost her little rainbow at 12 weeks. Please also keep her in your thoughts.

This post may be offensive but please know this is not the intention. It really is just to get my thoughts out about the alternative that could have been.

I have a friend who had her son Joshua at 24 weeks. He was due in April 2009 and was born in Dec 2008. He was born at 1 pound 2 ounces and was 12 inches long. My friend L was on bed rest in the hospital starting at 21 weeks because they found that her cervix had been open for a while and the baby was in danger, she had missed some of her pre-natal appointments so that doctor did not want to take any chances. She was in the hospital for 4 weeks on bedrest. During this time, I was home on maternity leave with M so I spoke to her on a daily basis. I wasn't able to visit her because I had a 4 month old at home that I did not want to take to the hospital- mainly because I did not think it was the best place for him. I never will forget that Sunday morning at 7 am when I got the call from my other friend V to tell me that Baby Joshua had been born in such a fragile state. I remember feeling numb and just praying over and over for her and the baby.I remember feeling enraged when my friend told me that the doctor asked L if she wanted them to try to save Joshua or just let him go. I remember thinking that it would be a long road for her to take the baby home from the NICU. Never once do I remember thinking she would lose the baby.I thought the NICU would surely save him. In the months that followed Joshua had lots of problems with his heart, lungs, brain, intestines. Every time I would speak to her my heart would drop because it felt like something was always "wrong". I finally got a chance to get to the hospital to visit Josh and his proud parents in March. At this point, he was weighing 3 pounds and was still on some machines as well as having his brain drained twice a day. I remember thinking how small he was and what a fighter he was. Baby Joshua went home in April and life really changed for L and her husband. She stopped working as a second grade teacher once she was put on bedrest and her husband works a minimum wage job. Joshua had weekly appointments to all types of specialists, therapists, etc. Before leaving the hospital Joshua had a shunt put in to his head to help with the leaking in his brain and my friend L was told that there was a possibility that he would have cerebral palsy. She took the rest of the school year and summer to stay with Joshua. She went back to work in the fall of  2009. I met with her a couple of times that school year for dinner along with my other friend V. In July of 2010 we met again for the summer. I was pregnant with Jeremiah and had a very active almost 2 year old. L was there with Joshua. Joshua who was now a year and 1/2 old was still needing to be carried by his mom. He had no movement in his legs only in his arms, was non verbal, and was still drinking in a bottle because he could not have solid foods yet. I remember looking at him and it brought sadness to my heart. I too had a one year old who was about to turn 2 who was talking and running around. I wondered if seeing M brought her sadness that her son who was almost the same age could not do any of the same things. Even with his adjusted age that most babies born early have he was still behind with his milestones. Little did I know that a couple days later I would be giving birth to a little boy with no heartbeat, a little boy whom just like my friend L had for Josh, I had hopes and dreams for. After he was born of course I thought about Joshua. Would I have wanted the same life for my Jeremiah? A life where he would have to be taken care of by someone for the rest of his life. A life where he would be analyzed by doctor after doctor. Would that have been looked at as selfish?? Last week, I heard that L had to take another school year off to take care of Joshua. His condition has not gotten any better and as he is getting bigger needs more support. Hearing about this made me think back about my immediate feelings about Jeremiah (possible alternative). Would I have had the strength that my friend has shown day after day in the care of Joshua? How would have M dealt with the situation? How would my life had changed? Would baby V be in the picture right now? Obviously the thoughts still linger in my mind but only one thing is a fact- I never had the choice to experience the alternative...I experienced the worst case scenario.

Worry Wart

I have been having a hard day today. Worry occupies my mind. I totally miss Jeremiah but am also hating the fact that I have to be so such a different mom this time around. When M was born I worried, but this time it is different I worry with V so much. I know the reality of losing a baby and the thought of it happening again gives me nausea. I take nothing for granted with her. I give her and M extra kisses, I make sure that I tell them I love them. I check on both of them continuously. I guess the hard part about the whole situation is I also don't want to be a helicopter parent and hover over them without giving them a chance to explore the world on their own. It is such a fine line it's hard not to cross it but also be cautious and guard them.

I read this on another BLM blog today and it did make me feel better.....

"This is the beginning of a new day.  You have been given this day to use as you will.  You can waste it or use it for good.  What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good."

-Author Unknown

Jelly Bean Chronicles

I noticed the other day that the page I blogged on while pregnant with V was not posted. Let me just back up a little bit and explain, while pregnant I did blog about everything on that journey. There were lots of things that were done differently this time to avoid pre-ecalampsia, which was my issue in my first two pregnancies. I wanted to make sure I wrote about it and documented all the things I did differently for this pregnancy not knowing if any of the things I did would work. Now that V is here I can say that some of the things may have made the difference in her healthy arrival. There was one thing I did differently this time that I did not blog about or add on that page for some reason- I got my teeth and mouth cleaned intensively right before the pregnancy. Research has shown that poor oral health can contribute to complications in pregnancy- $800.00 later I can say the money paid was well worth it. Anyhow....the page is now posted if anyone is interested in reading about my rainbow pregnancy.

Hugs to all!!

Oh by the way the family member who was upset that they did not know about my pregnancy has come around and has reached out. I can honestly say it was good for my soul to hear from them.

Catching Up

This post is a random assortment of things on my mind in the last week. I first want to say thank you so much to all of you for your warm welcoming of my little baby V. Life around here has been full of much wanted and needed adjustments. She is absolutely perfect and I am so thankful she has come our way. I can't help but look at her sometimes and think would she be here if everything would have worked the way it was suppose to with Jeremiah? I know there is no way of knowing that but it's such a weird thing to feel. I will never know. Many family members have been so surprised of her arrival- this was expected especially because we chose to keep her a secret. I do have one family member who is very upset and has not spoken to me about it and has been avoiding me because I did not include them in the news- this was not expected since the goal was a healthy baby at the end. I hope some day soon that, that person gets over it and gets to know my little V. I have also had a follower stop following me because of the news of the baby. I am not really sure why...this person has been following my blog since the beginning. I did not mean to offend anyone with her arrival news neither in real life or in blogging land. I guess only time will tell.

Today was my little man's birthday- he turned 3....time flies. I can't believe time has passed so quickly with him. It literally feels like yesterday he was just born. He is such a good little boy. He is full of personality and has been my rock in so many ways when Jeremiah passed. Since the baby has arrived he has grown up so much and loves the baby- which was something I was very nervous about.

I also wanted to post pictures of Jeremiah's Angel day. I did release balloons for the angel babies. I even released some for ones that weren't requested but knew that Jeremiah is playing with them in heaven and they would be at the celebration. Sorry I could not take pictures of all the balloons one at a time. I did plan to but the wind at the cemetery was rough and I could barely hold on to the balloons. I will post more later but here are some for now....

Balloons ready to be released...

That's all for now. I hope everyone is doing well....Hugs!!

Jeremiah's Precious Gift

***Warning this post contains triggers!

"I will turn your sadness to gladness." Jeremiah 31:13

I have been wanting to post this for a while...I would say 37 weeks! Yes...you guessed it, this post is about a beautiful gift that Jeremiah has sent our way, two days after his first Angel day. Our beautiful rainbow baby. I would like to introduce you to our precious baby V born yesterday July 15th at 2:41 pm. 7 pounds 2 ounces

This has been a very difficult journey after his loss. You may be wondering why I waited so long to spill the beans, well.....at first I did not want to hurt other mommies feelings. Then I decided I will post something at 12 weeks. When we got to 12 weeks, I chickened out. Then, the magic number was 15 then 20 when we got to 20, I just decided I waited this long I might as well wait until baby is here. Another reason why is that we kept the baby from family. We have been hibernating from family functions and such because we did not want family to know about her and panic. So not posting it on here meant they would't find out from here. This may answer some questions about some of my previous posts about a family event coming soon, physical limitations, health on my happy list, mentions of rainbow and living sibilings for Jeremiah. So I am so very sorry for keeping this beautiful little girl from you for the last 9 months but it's been a difficult journey that I am now happy to share! If you want to read more about my jelly bean's pregnancy- I blogged about it in the Jelly Bean Chronicles. Why jelly bean? Well in her first ultrasound she looked like a jelly bean to us and the name just stuck. This has been a VERY difficult journey especially this last couple weeks, knowing there was a possibilty that Jeremiah and Baby V could have shared a birthday. Thank you for all the support with your comments, cards, and little tokens for his special day. Again I am sorry for not sharing the news earlier, Thank you for understanding- I hope no one is upset with the choice I made about not posting until she got here. Now that she is here...Hooray!

Hugs!

Thank you!!!

I want to thank you to all of you for all the thoughts, prayers, comments, e-mails, cards, and your kindness. One mommy even left a yellow flower for Jeremiah on his marker- Thank you Darcey!! I can honestly say that the day got better. It ended up as a day of peace, thanks to all of you. I did release 20 balloons for all of your angels, we had cupcakes, and we just sat and enjoyed the shade with Jeremiah. I will post pictures soon.

Thank you all for being so amazing- you are truly a great community and I can't thank you enough!

Happy Angel Day Jeremiah!

So here we are again, July 13th and I meet again. I wasn't sure what to expect as I woke up this morning. During the night I kept dreaming the same dream, different people kept sending me the same package over and over again followed by sensations of wetness all around my legs- Very strange. My husband then came over and gave me a hug and a kiss as he left for work. When I hugged him I just could not let go and tears just ran down my face. It felt so comforting. He has been there every single day acting as a rock for me, for M, when I know all he wants to do is cry....Jeremiah is his son. I love him and I thank him for all he is done. He told me take it easy today and kissed me on my forehead. As soon as I heard the door close another feeling set in, a feeling that was all to familiar the days after I got home from the hospital. It's that sick to your stomach grief combined with emptiness and all I want to do is throw up.(sorry TMI but I did- many times) It took me two months after he passed to get rid of that feeling. Why did it come back today?? Why today?? I now have lit his candle and am attempting to eat something. Attempting is an understatement. The yogurt still sits with the lid on it- I have yet to touch it. Another familiar feeling- lack of hunger. Grief has taken that too. I sure hope that as the day moves on it get easier. I hear M on the monitor right now and it makes me smile. M and I are making cupcakes and then later releasing balloons.We'll see.

I want to say THANK YOU for all the cards, gifts, and support I have gotten from such a great community leading up to these days. THANK YOU!!

Dear Jeremiah-

Happy birthday little man.I pictured this day very differently in my head. I should have been waking up this morning to frantically finishing up last minute things for your birthday. I should be making sure your birthday outfit is laid out and perfect. I should be running after you and M making sure you were eating your breakfast. Instead....I am lighting a candle for you and hoping that God has given you the million kisses I would have given you today. Hoping and knowing that the cupcakes in heaven are amazing and that you get the biggest frog cupcake ever!! Papi, M, and I miss you everyday and no matter what know that you will ALWAYS be a missing piece in our family picture. I love you my little bullfrog!!

48 Hours

In 48 hours it will be a year since I found out about the loss of my little Jeremiah. It's weird because at this point I am not sure how I feel. Is this possible?? It really is a mixed bag of emotions but they come in waves. Waves I can't even put into words. I know for Jeremiah's due date I felt lots of anxiety the days before but on the actual date all I felt was peace in a weird way. Will this be the same?? I don't know-- I still have 48 hours to find out.

Hugs to all! If you haven't emailed me about releasing a balloon in honor of your baby for Jeremiah's birthday-please do jeremiahsboxes@gmail.com or you can just comment on this post.

Caylee's Law

I am not huge on passing on certain things. I am also not a huge facebooker or twitter. Actually, I deactivated my Facebook account after Jeremiah's loss. But here is something I feel strongly about. It is called Caylee's Law it is a petition to start a law in the name of the little girl who went missing and her mother failed to report it. Unfortunately, the mother was found not guilty of her murder but if a law like the one that is being proposed is signed into federal law, parents who do not report their child missing within 24 hours will be charged with a felony. Personally if M went missing for 31 seconds I would go crazy let alone 31 days. You definitely won't find me getting a tattoo about my "beautiful life" or dancing on a stripper pole. (Sorry- I can't help it.) If you want to read more and sign the petition please go here.

Hope everyone is doing well. Hugs!

It's July

Wow...I can't believe we are in July. I remember when I was in high school I said to a friend that July was such a boring month and that I never really have much going on then. Hmmm...who would of thought those words would replay in my head years later. Fast forward to July 2011 and it seems like there is so much this month has brought me in the last 3 years. In 2008, I gave birth to my first little one M. He will be 3 at the end of July. In 2010, our sleeping baby arrived. I miss him so much. I remember last year on July 13th at 8:45am falling into a hole I would never be able to completely climb out of. I remember feeling so empty, shocked, and terrified all at the same time. I replay that day in my head over and over again like it was yesterday. I checked in on that Tuesday morning into the hospital with a baby inside my stomach and left on Friday empty handed, ready to drive around to various funeral homes to find a resting place for my son. My son??? Wow...how unnatural is that?? Then I came home to a screaming one year old at that point who was so confused as to why I was crying and why mommy only wanted to be in bed. He gave my mom such a hard time because when all I wanted to do was stay in that hole and cry, he wanted his mom. I can honestly say that because of him I slowly made myself function. M kept me alive in some way last July. He still does. Jeremiah passed away 13 days before M was about to turn 2. I had prepared a huge party for him. Of course, it was cancelled but the night before, I did invite some little people to come and celebrate with him but I remember still being in that hole. The hole where the ONLY light was M. I remember holding him tight everyday and sometimes being so scared of losing him too. I felt like I had to hover over him and protect him. Luckily, I let him be himself and tried to give him his own space.  A day after M's birthday my mom was set to go back to Miami, my husband was going back to work, and I was suppose to stay home with M all alone. Why was something I had a million times, staying home with my toddler alone so scary?? I begged my mom to stay another day, begged my husband to stay. They both said no both trying to explain to me that it would be good for me for them to leave and that Jose would be back later. I remember crying and crying after they left as I had a little face looking at me with confusion. I kept telling myself I had to be okay for him. I finally did and obviously a year later am able to function and be a good mom to my 2 almost 3 year old, but I still feel like even though I have crawled out of that hole I still kind of linger on the edge of it. Hoping to stay out of it. Some days I fall in just a few inches but hold on to the side and get back out, never far enough from it's gravitational pull.

So to the girl in high school who naively said July is a boring month for me....know that July became a bitter sweet month 10 years later. Here is hoping and praying for a much better July this year. One where everything goes differently than with Jeremiah. One where we remember him and celebrate the lives of his living siblings.

Will they Remember?

I woke up this morning with a really bad feeling in my stomach. When I sat down and really thought about why- I realized that in two weeks it will be the day Jeremiah was born. It made me think of all the people who know about him-family and friends. This made me wonder if anyone will remember?? Will anyone remember that day? I really have not talked to much about it and for the picnic I have planned I was just going to invite two of my closest friends and Jeremiah's grandmothers. It hurts my heart to think that no one will remember, I know I am getting ahead of myself because it is still two weeks away but the thought of it hurts. Then I wanted to have the picnic on the day of his birth which falls on a Wednesday. We have another huge family event planned for the month of July- (I will blog about this soon) and he thinks it's a better idea if we focus on that event first and then worry about having a picnic in August. I do not like this idea. Jeremiah doesn't have much- one thing he does have is July 13th and he should be remembered and celebrated on that day. Needless to say, he has left it up to me so we will have it on that day and we will release balloons at 5:04pm the time he was born.

If you emailed me about having a balloon released at Jeremiah's picnic please know I got it and have your special baby or babies on my list and am SO excited to include them. If you would like to have me add your special baby please email me at jeremiahsboxes@gmail.com or just comment on this post.

Help....Where can I find this

Pinwheel???

If any of you have seen this pinwheel for sale, please let me know where. It's a frog!!! Gotta love it!! I would like to buy 8 of them in time for Jeremiah's angel day.

The Secret Life....

Okay I must admit that right after I had M, the premiere of The Secret Life of the American Teenager began. Since I was on maternity leave I could not stop watching that show. Don't know why...the acting is not great but it's kind of like the Jeresy Shore- I couldn't change the channel. After Jeremiah was born, the story line came out that Adrienne- one of the teens was pregnant with Ben's baby. It was too difficult to watch. So I stopped all together. I was angry that I had lost a perfect little boy and this teenager on TV was going to have a baby with barely any consequences. I know it's fake but grief didn't let me think that way. I was catching up on some of my blog reading yesterday and I noticed someones post about the show. Stating that Adrienne, had a stillborn baby on the show. I got very curious and tried to hulu it but came up empty. Then I went to youtube and found it there. I was so impressed with the way ABC handled such a "taboo" issue. I loved how they made it a reality- one that is very real and happens unfortunately on a daily basis. I like how they show their intended audience-which is teenagers- that having a baby is not all roses and could end up in tragedy. Kudos to ABC. I decided to post the last 14 minutes of the youtube video here for those of you that missed it. I also watched the season 4 episodes and how Adrienne is handling the loss and how those around her are handling it, this was also well done by both the writers and producers.

***Before you watch, please know that it is very well done and could be a trigger.

Dear Baby Grave Robbers

Okay so for Memorial Day, the family went to Disney World. We have gone once before after losing Jeremiah, but it was very difficult to find something that would not get ruined by the weather nor get stolen. So after lots of thinking and thinking, I thought a mickey shaped antenna cover would be great! I was so excited. I had my husband to buy some small dowel rods so I can put it next to Jeremiah's marker. Last Sunday June 12, on my husbands birthday we finally took it to the cemetery and placed it on his marker. I had posted before that because of the weather, physical limitations (I will blog about this soon), and M we have not been going as often. This past Sunday, Father's day, we went again to clean up his area and to just check on it and when we arrived I quickly noticed that his Mickey ears were gone. Furious, til this day I can't imagine why people do this. This is not the first time something was stolen off of his marker. You can read more here. It makes me angry. I really want to laminate the letter below and glue it on a dowel rod next to Jeremiah's marker for all to see. (It's not really going to happen. However, this is exactly how I feel.)

Dear Grave Robber-

Please know that this is our little boy who lays in this spot. It hurts us deeply to know that he is under this ground. We wish he were home with us. This is all we have left of him, the place where his body lies. Do you realize that we will NEVER get to see our little boy grow up. We will NEVER hear his voice or hear his laughter. We will NEVER be able to take him to his first day of school nor will we ever be able to watch him graduate from high school. We will NEVER get to see him get married nor will be have grandchildren from him. All we have is his memory and the little bit of items we can bring to him and call his- PLEASE leave them here for him. These items are for him. They were not intended for you or anyone else to take them. This is our "normal" life now. Please respect that and the items we bring for him.

Thank you!
The Calderon's

Birthday Plans

Jeremiah's first birthday is next month- July 13th. I am sad that I have to plan a memorial rather than a birthday but I do want to make sure he is remembered on that day. Here are some of the things I have in mind.

1- Donating 20 memorial boxes in his memory. 15 of the boxes will be for the NICU/Labor and Delivery Floors at Tampa Hospitals and 5 will be for the PICU.

2- Buying a brick in his memory. I wanted to buy him one at Disneyworld but they don't sell them anymore here. So I found a park that is a children's memorial park here in the area and will be buying him a brick there.

3- Lighting a candle in memory of him for the whole week before and on that day.

4- Cake. I haven't decided on frog cupcakes or a cake yet.

5- A balloon release. I want to release balloons in his memory but also want to honor your babies as well. Please e-mail me jeremiahsboxes@gmail.com or comment on this post with the name(s) of your baby and I will release a balloon in their memory on that day as well. The way I see it they are all celebrating together on that say so why not send them balloons too.

That's all I plan on doing this year, I wish I could do more. If you have any ideas please let me know.

Lots Going On

I have noticed I have been extra sensitive lately. Lots is going on but the main thing coming up is Jeremiah's birthday in July. I want to do something special and plan on doing a balloon release. I want to honor your little one on that day too...so I plan on purchasing balloons and writing your babies name on the balloons to honor them. If you are interested, please email me the name of your baby at jeremiahsboxes@gmail.com. I will post pictures on that day.

I also want everyone to know that I will be closing memory butterfly requests for the next month. The last day is June 15th. If you would like one- please send in your request here. It probably won't open again until August sometime.

This last week has also brought new happy things my way- I have gotten some new name collection pictures for Jeremiah. You can view them and request your own here.

I also received this blanket from Shaina from Rows of Remembrance. It has 28 rows in memory of my little Jeremiah. Love it!

There are also lots of awesome things going on with Jeremiah's Boxes. I will update that blog soon.

Thank you all for reading!! Sending lots of hugs your way.

Conversation

Here is a snippet of a conversation I heard while at a children's store today...

(By the way these are two women with children and work at this store)

Lady 1- Oh Jenna put on FB that she's in the hospital ready to have the baby

Lady 2- That's great I know she was getting irritated with the baby.

Lady 1- Yea I know I hated being pregnant so I can understand.

Lady 2- People are so stupid when they say that being pregnant is such a blessing, Yeah having someone stab your ribs constantly is not something I consider a blessing.

Lady 1- I really only had my kids so they can have siblings. How they got here I don't care for.

Lady 2- I hate how people would tell me to enjoy it. I was so glad when it was over.

Lady Shopping interrupts the conversation asking for help.

When you live in a world where you have fertility issues or you experience a loss at any point of pregnancy- IT IS A BLESSING!!! By the way Lady 2 is pregnant with child #2.

Ugh...these two made me so mad.

Pitty

An emotion I can't stand!! There is someone I saw today that gave me that pitty look. It was M's babysitters daughter. She is also a mom of a 4 year old, a teacher, as well as a couple of years older than I am. When I went to pick him up today she gave me that look and when she noticed that I was looking at her gave me that half pitiful smile. Oh how I hate that look! I was so angry, tears ran down my face. I am so proud of who I am, yes losing a child is not a great experience, but in some weird way I feel like this horrible journey has made me a better person. Why should I feel ashamed of having an angel in heaven that has made me a better person? So that the world can understand please don't feel bad for me or my son or family we are learning to hop to a new normal and we have NOTHING to be ashamed of......

Hugs to all!

Am I wrong??

Hi There-
I had a question about something that has been bothering me today and I think the only people that can help me are the people who understand the situation- people who are living in my same world.

Lately I have not been able to make it to the cemetery to check on Jeremiah as much as I would like to. The main reason why is---- it is starting to turn into summer weather here in Florida. Which means the heat is outrageous and the mosquito's don't quit. I went on Friday with my husband and M. We were there for five minutes and the mosquito's had a feast. M ended up with mosquito bites all over his face. He had bug spray every where else and I looked like a pepperoni pizza wearing a skirt and shirt. I also had on bug spray. We normally go on Sundays as part of our Sunday routine but I told Jose that we could not go. He asked why and I said "Look at M's face." I feel like I am picking one child over the other and it bothers me that when we do go to check on Jeremiah we can't stay long and his area is a mess with leaves and dirt. Am I wrong that I don't want to go?? Does that mean I don't love him as much as M?? I feel terrible and torn. Sorry for the rant.

Updates

I wanted to update everyone on what's going on here in the sunshine state. First, I wanted to let everyone know that butterfly request will close on June 15. You can read more about why and or to make your request here. I am not sure when it will reopen but mostly likely sometime in August.

Secondly, I have been working hard on the next round of Jeremiah's Boxes. I am planning on donating 20 boxes to Tampa area hospitals. Five of the boxes will be for the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. There are so many new things that I have added to add more of a special touch. To read and see more go here.

I also, wanted to say thank you to some wonderful BLM mommies. First, Molly, Hayes mommy sent me some stamps for my butterfly project. She is awesome. Deanna, River's mommy also added a star for Jeremiah at River's Rally.

Natasha, Aiden's mommy made the address book below for me. I won it on one of her giveaways. I absolutely love it! Thank you Natasha.

I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of your week. Hugs to all!! Go Heat!! Sorry Dallas fans...I am a Miami girl been a fan since before the big three!

Disney World Weekend

My husband and I took our little one to Disney World this weekend. I wanted to share some pictures I took. Jeremiah is always with us and this was no exception.

I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day Weekend!

7-13 and Winner

I know I have been MIA lately. Busy does not describe the amount of stuff I have on my plate. Not a bad thing! I have lots of reading to catch up on. I am hoping this long weekend will help me catch up. This will be a semi-quick post.

I wanted to share what happened yesterday morning. My husband and little M were dropping me off at work in the morning. When I got in the car and as a habit I checked my phone. When I looked at the time it said- 7:13. My first reaction was "Wow, I'm going to be late." Then I looked at the clock in the car and it said 7:04. I then showed my husband and asked him to take out his phone. His same Driod phone said 7:02. I dropped the phone and got a little scared. You may be wondering 7:13, whats the big deal. First, my phone's time clock is set by Verizon. There is no way to change it. Then, there was no way for it to get stuck at that time, we hadn't gotten there yet that day. Last, 7-13 is Jeremiah's birthday. My husband picked up the phone and the time still hadn't changed. He handed it over to me and tears just rand down my face. My Jeremiah had sent another little hello my way. Yesterday ended up being a good day!

Now for the winner, winner chicken dinner. Thank you to all of you for entering the giveaway! I appreciate your comments and support during this journey. I don't know where I would be without it. Thank you again for following my story.  Here is what I am giving away- It is a silver butterfly heart necklace. The winner chosen by random.org is Mary- Addison's Mommy. Please e-mail me Mary at rcalderon2629@gmail.com so I can send the necklace your way.

Hugs to all and have a wonderful weekend!



50 Followers!! Time for a Giveaway!

Wow! I just noticed that this blog has reached 50 followers, that is amazing! I originally started this blog as an outlet to let my feelings of grief out. I never imagined having anyone read my thoughts. Thank you so much for taking the time to help remember my little Jeremiah.

I think this warrants a giveaway. However, I know what I would like to giveaway but want to make it a surprise. I promise it will definately be something worth it. If you are interested in entering, just comment, be a follower, and try to guess what I'm giving away. (Thought that would be fun!) I will announce the winner next Saturday May 28th on my happy list.

Hope everyone is doing well. Sending hugs your way!

Reflections of a Rainbow

Sorry for the lack of posting. I have been so busy with preparing for the end of the school year, registering m for pre-school, and the stress of Mother's Day. I've also been planning for the next round of boxes donations, as well as the upcoming birthdays in my house-My husband and kids are all in June and July.

Well as you can see from the title-this post is about a rainbow baby but that rainbow baby is me! Yes, I haven't shared this before but I am my mom's rainbow. My mom had two boys, my brother David and my brother Mariano. When David was 5 and Mariano was 3, she was told that Mariano needed to have a simple surgery to fix something in his neck and tonsils that were getting worse. Unfortunately, the simple surgery did not go well and my brother Mariano, did not make it. He passed away in April of 1980. I was born in September of 1981. The whole time my mom thought I was a boy and that day in September she got a huge surprise!

I have always known about him. My moms house has always had pictures of him, and she is very open to talking about him. I've never felt like a replacement child. My mom never allowed it. If anything she has always made sure she knew I was always wanted. My brother David, would always tell me I was adopted ofcourse I would cry so she would always step in and reassure me that I was exactly whom she needed and wanted. Needless to say, my brother also loves me dearly and is very protective of me. I remember as a 4 and 5 year old that Mariano was my imaginary friend. I've always wanted to meet him and I would always talk to him and felt he was my angel watching over me. After everything that has happened with Jeremiah, I know he has welcomed his nephew with open arms and is taking care of him. Now I feel like I have another angel up there watching over my family.

You might be asking where did this all come from? Well I was at a training yesterday and had to write a book "All About Me." When I got to the section in my book where I talked about growing up I realized that I had only mentioned David as my brother-no mention of Mariano. Then it got me thinking- when people would ask about my siblings I would always mention David- only very close friends know about Mariano. I started to wonder, is he disappointed? It gets me thinking about Jeremiah too. Will his siblings remember him? Will they leave him out? I know I will try to be like my mom and teach my rainbow and M about their brother Jeremiah and his legacy. I know M knows about him and talks about him every now and then. Every time he sees a sonogram picture- he says "Jmmamh". When he looks at my tattoo of Jeremiah's foot he touches it and says his name as well.

Funny how certain situations take you to places you never think of....Missing my bullfrog and my brother today!

Have a happy Tuesday!

Death on my Mind

I do have a happy list this week but I think I am going to put this weeks list and nexts together. I am not feeling in a happy mood, I am feeling a little morbid with the topic on my mind.

It is 4 am in my neck of the woods and one thing is on my mind- death. Why?? I think it stems from my walk down the Walmart aisles yesterday afternoon. As I was walking down the aisles I noticed a display of small Styrofoam coolers. Those coolers sent chills down my body. (I am going to be brutally honest in this post so if I offend anyone- I apologize ahead of time) 

When we loss Jeremiah we heard at the hospital that some of the funeral homes would bury your baby for free. Jose and I wondered why but were happy that was an option. When we got to the funeral home we were shown and explained all of the options available for an infant with pictures. We had yet to see the "free" option. A while later we were taken to the back and shown the different options on caskets. When we walked in the first thing that caught my eye was a Styrofoam cooler with like a plastic type lining in the inside. The funeral director walked us over to the cooler. At first I was confused, the next words out of her mouth were "Here is the first option." What??? It's a Styrofoam cooler!!! Really?!? I asked how much- just out of curiosity because I knew in my mind there was no way he was going to be in a cooler with plastic for eternity. She then went on and said that the " cooler" was complimentary. Chills went up and down my spine. Yuck! We then were shown the other two options. The second one, I was happy with (can't believe I just used that word in this whole scenario) it was a small thick plastic like coffin. The other was too big for Jeremiah. We went with option 2- we did not care how much it cost, we wanted to make sure it was something that would be okay for him. We also were shown urns and that option. My thinking behind not getting him cremated was that I hate the idea of being burned and heat. I did not want him in pain. I also liked the idea of his body being surrounded by other babies in babyland. Sometimes I do wish I had him at home. I do wish we would have had him cremated- but would that have been a better choice?

There are certain times when I visit babyland and wonder just how many babies are in coolers?? I know when I go there are plenty of plots with no marker or any indication that, that spot is someones resting place. I know those families cannot afford more so did they take the "complimentary" option?? I can't say I can blame them, planing a funeral for a baby isn't normal nor is it something many understand. Since Jeremiah has been at babyland 10 other babies have been laid to rest. Each time I see the flags I get chills and an overall sense of sadness. Out of those babies only 4 of them have markers. It's so sad.

Now that I have explained the "complimentary" option, you can see why seeing the cooler display made tears come down my face and hours later am still hating the thought of them. The things we know as baby loss parents, make us different. Loosing a child makes us see things differently, it changes our souls, minds, and spirits. I can't say I like it, I can't say it hasn't made me grown, but I can say it makes me appreciate life and legacies more than ever before. I wish I never would have had to go through this experience but it is what it is and I have to learn to overcome and become better at some point. I am scared of my own death. This topic definately takes me to that place. I haven't had a real experience with death. I have heard of it happening to others but it never has made me go through the stages of grief- why? No one who had died was close. My first official death experience was with Jeremiah. I am one of "those" people bad things happend to....

Sorry this post is so random but it's how my mind is working right now. Especially with such a morbid topic.

I miss my Jeremiah. I wish I could hug him and kiss his little face!

Butterflies on their Way

A new set of butterflies are on their way.

Click on the picture for a clearer view.
Hope everyone is having a great week!

Jeremiah's Boxes now has it's own Blog

Hi- I just wanted to let everyone know that I created a new blog for Jeremiah's Boxes. The project has really taken off and I am currently working on making it a non-profit organization. Please hop on over there and read more! Hugs to all!

Very Late but it's my Happy List #7

It has been an amazingly busy weekend. Happy Easter to all!! I am late with this list but wanted to share.

Here is my new happy list...

1. Morning Jam Sessions with this Cutie! He may not know the words but he sings along with me in the car in the morning. When the song is over he says- "Again Mommy"

2- Jeremiah's Easter decor- I pictured his first Easter very differently but I can't turn back and have to make the best with what I do have left, his memory, his area. It was hard to find the perfect basket to take to him after all they don't have a "dead baby aisle"

3-Awesome Mail- I got this butterfly from Bree this week. I love how it was addressed!

I can honestly say blogging has kept me sane in these last 9 months. Making the butterflies in memory of every one's baby is very therapeutic and I make each butterfly with love. I got this in the mail Friday from Janie-JD's mommy. The stamps were totally appreciated! Thank you! It's nice to know that it is worth continuing to make them, they have helped someone remember their special someone.

Natasha from Blocks of Love sent me this- Love it! Thank you Natasha! Love u

Melissa put this together for Jeremiah for Easter! Love it! Thank you Melissa! Love u

4- Spring Break- I am off until May 2nd Hooray!

5-Finishing Jeremiah's story page. Please know that even though all of our stories are different we are not alone.

6- Trip to the Zoo on Saturday- Had a great time with my big man and little one!

7- Egg Hunt- "Look I find it!" is awesome to hear!

8- Stylish Blogger Award from both Mary and New Year's Mom. Thank you ladies! I have to complete the requirements but it is an honor non the less!

9- Pedicures-

10- NBA Playoff's- Even though Miami loss today, they are leading the series against the 76er's. (Sorry Philly fans)

That's all I have for this week. Each one has brought a smile to my face.

I also wanted to wish Jakin a very happy birthday. I missed the laughter post so I wanted to make sure Mattie knew I was thinking of him.

Thank you for reading. Have a great week!

Butterflies

I just finished a set of butterfly requests. I will drop off the butterflies at the post office tomorrow.

Have a wonderful week!

Happy List #6 and Giveaway Winners

I love the happy list Saturdays. Thank you Natasha for starting them, I have even started writing stuff down during the week to make sure I remember all of my happy things. So here is happy list #6.

1. Pool Saturday- I said I would have the winners for the giveaways by noon but it was a beautiful morning here in Florida so a trip to the pool was in order. Plus who can resist going to the pool with a cute 2 year old who gets so excited about it you have to smile!

2- Figurine- I won this awesome figurine from Mary- Addison's mommy. Actually, I was the runner up, the real winner was New Year's Mum but she did not want Mary to pay for shipping all the way to Australia. So she asked Mary to pick someone else. I absolutely love it and think of both Addie and Gabrielle when I look at it. Thank you to both ladies.

3-Jeremiah's Garden- Spring is beautiful here in Florida. I love his "garden" area. It makes me smile and think of him.

4- Laken's Bears- Melissa sent me more Laken's Bears for Jeremiah's Boxes. She also set me Pennies from Heaven. You can read more about them here. I had never seen that poem. I am collecting pennies to send her so that she can use them for such a great project. She also donated a box in memory Laken that I am excited to have in her memory. Thank you Melissa.

 

5- End of Testing- All state and district assessment are DONE in the state of Florida. That means no more proctoring and putting my kiddos aside to test. We also have four days this week before we go on spring break. I am so ready!! It definitely makes me happy.

6- NBA Playoffs- I am a total basketball fan. My favorite team is the Miami Heat- as a Miami girl I am a total fan. The playoffs started today and I have been in the pool watching the games. (We have a small TV in our pool area.) Miami won their first game and that makes this Miami girl happy!

7- Jeremiah's Pinwheel- Shauna is Janessa's mommy she has a blog called pinwheels from heaven. She added a pinwheel in memory of Jeremiah. I absolutely love it. She's awesome. She used 7 blocks since he was born in July as well as the colors I use in his memory green and blue. If you are interested in a pinwheel please check her out here. Thank you Shauna.

 

 

AND FINALLY.....

8-Giveaway winners- I am so thankful to all of you for entering the giveaways. All of your strength is definitely contagious! I had such a great experience that I will be hosting another one soon in honor of Mother's Day. So stay posted- I already have the items and can't wait to start the giveaway post.

I went to random.org to pick the winners, unfortunately I have no clue to how to show you the proof but here are the winners.

Giveaway 1- The copy of Knocked Up, Knocked Down- Jen!!

Giveaway 2- Figurine by Midnight Orange- Tiffany!!

Giveaway 3- $25 Gift Certificate to My Forever Child- Shauna!!

Winners please email me-RCalderon2629@gmail.com so I can send your items your way!

Hugs to all....Have a wonderful week!