New Life

Hi there!! I know I've been MIA for a really long time. Thank you for all of your prayers from my last post. There has been so much going on since I last posted. I guess I'll start with the bad. My husband and I have separated and as of two weeks ago, have officially divorced after 12 years. I can't begin to tell you how much heart-ache this process has brought me. I've been feeling rejection, worthlessness and at the beginning of this process, suicide was an option. I definitely have been grieving all over again. However, when you loose a child you know there's no way that you can fix that loss. With divorce or a separation pending you pray that you can work out the situation where the two of you can rebuild. I love Jose. I can't deny that----I never will stop loving him. We had wonderful memories no one can ever replace or take away, however, he decided that a life with me is not somthing he wanted to continue. He still has a relationship with our children, which is great. He is a good person and I wish him the best. I pray for him daily and ask Jeremiah to watch over him.

Now for the good. First off my two beautiful living children are well and healthy. M is now 4 and my rainbow V is 16 months.

My beautiful mini-me!!

M at T-Ball

I've also formed a stronger and deeper relationship with God. I've joined the women's CRHP group at my church and was asked to become the spiritual director for the next women's retreat.I have a great support system with new beautiful friends. I've found so much comfort in Him and in scripture. He has led me to a greater path of understanding and overcoming many of my fears. He also helps me build a stronger bond with my Jeremiah. "For I alone know the plans I have for you. Plans to bring you hope and a future" ---Jeremiah 29:11

I still get little hellos from heaven. This frog, my students named Hoppy, was hanging outside my classroom window. I loved it!!

Although I have become a single working mom, I now cherish the time I do have with my kids that much more.

I've also taken up Zumba. I love dancing and Zumba is a perfect fit. I've also made some great new friends along the way.

Zumba!! A basketball team that takes the class for cardio and my two zumba buddies.

I've also started doing more for me. I'm planning a trip to Europe this upcoming summer and have been doing things on my bucket list like going to an NBA Finals game, paintball,etc. As a mom and a wife I lost myself in my roles. I know it sounds weird but I'm slowly remembering who I really am. I'm a strong, beautiful woman.

NBA Finals....GO HEAT!

Finally, I have realized how strong my prior friendship are as well as my relationship with my family. My mom has been so amazing and supportive. I love my best friends and my family.

My Best friend Lydia

My mom

My other BFF...Meighan

With all that being put out there... I will be catching up on some blog reading to see how everyone is doing. If you are waiting for a butterfly, please know I will do my best to get them sent your way. God bless you all :)

Prayer Request

Hi lovely ladies, I need your help. I have hit a crossroad in my life and without getting specific I need your help of prayer. In the next two weeks a really hard and rough decision is going to be made concerning my family. A decision that is out of my hands but so important to my life. I hope you pray that the decision that is being made is one that is done with an open heart and mind. I also hope you pray that the peace of God will surround my family during these two weeks and beyond.

Thank you ladies!

Still Here...

This is just a quick post....but I am still here. Life as a "single" mom is crazy and it has made me realize how much my husband helped. Plus my herniated disc has been acting up again and that is no fun, I just pray it doesn't get worse. My husband was here last weekend but I barely had anytime with him. I went to a CRHP retreat with my church. It was definitely really needed and I got to share Jeremiah's story with a group of 50 wonderful woman. I really needed the spiritual uplift and also it helped me renew my faith in God as well as remember how wonderful and wanted he is in my life and the life of my family. I have been trying to catch up with every ones posts over the last month and have tried to comment where I can but now I hear a sweet little 6 month old talking in the other room...so I must go and play.

Hugs to you all and please know that I think of your angels everyday!

Update and Baby Sabrowske

Hi everyone! I know I have been just hopping on here every now and then but I have been going through a lot lately. I just recently moved to a new house, my husband has gotten a new contract with his job in Washington State and I chose to stay behind in Florida with  my two living little peeps. One of the main reasons I decided to stay is because since it is a temp. job he will be back and secondly leaving Jeremiah was to much to bear at least for right now. My "old" house is now being rented and I have moved into my moms rental home. It is so much smaller, doesn't have a pool to maintain or any other huge jobs my hubby normally takes care of....adjusting to being a "single" mom is huge but luckily I have close friends who are helping and family that is coming to visit often. My husband is also coming back twice a month to visit us so that helps. :) I do miss him and hope that this break brings us closer together. So that sums up my life as it is right now- VERY different but thankful God has given me the opportunity to grow in a new way.

I also wanted to share a little but about a new project a fellow BLM mommy Rhonda has started. She has such a touching story and started this project in memory of both her fiance and her baby. Here is a small snippet of what she sent me

"I have only just begun to confront my miscarriage (1st pregnancy lost at 8 weeks gestation) in March because I'm still grieving the suicide of my fiancé from January. Steven never even had the joy of knowing this news because I found out after he passed! "

Check out her project and show her some love.

Hugs to all!

Annabella

A fellow AMEND mommy from my community decided to start blogging in memory of her sweet Annabella. Pam is such a wonderful human being and as we all know loosing a baby is horrific...please go over to her blog and read Annabella's story. I know she would love the support.

Hugs to you all!

Just a Hello!

Hi There!! I want to say thank you to all the wonderful mommies who sent cards and remembered my sweet Jeremiah this holiday season. I also received some beautiful ornaments and frogs in memory of my little bullfrog. I will post pictures soon. I do have one picture that Shauna - Hope and Janessa's mommy Shauna sent my way. Thank you Shauna. The Christmas butterfly is absolutely beautiful.

 

I love how Shauna always goes above and beyond to remember not only her angels but my Jmiah and all the sweet angels out there. Shauna you are amazing! I hope everyone had a great Christmas and a great New Year! Hugs!