Happy Angel Day Jeremiah!

So here we are again, July 13th and I meet again. I wasn't sure what to expect as I woke up this morning. During the night I kept dreaming the same dream, different people kept sending me the same package over and over again followed by sensations of wetness all around my legs- Very strange. My husband then came over and gave me a hug and a kiss as he left for work. When I hugged him I just could not let go and tears just ran down my face. It felt so comforting. He has been there every single day acting as a rock for me, for M, when I know all he wants to do is cry....Jeremiah is his son. I love him and I thank him for all he is done. He told me take it easy today and kissed me on my forehead. As soon as I heard the door close another feeling set in, a feeling that was all to familiar the days after I got home from the hospital. It's that sick to your stomach grief combined with emptiness and all I want to do is throw up.(sorry TMI but I did- many times) It took me two months after he passed to get rid of that feeling. Why did it come back today?? Why today?? I now have lit his candle and am attempting to eat something. Attempting is an understatement. The yogurt still sits with the lid on it- I have yet to touch it. Another familiar feeling- lack of hunger. Grief has taken that too. I sure hope that as the day moves on it get easier. I hear M on the monitor right now and it makes me smile. M and I are making cupcakes and then later releasing balloons.We'll see.

I want to say THANK YOU for all the cards, gifts, and support I have gotten from such a great community leading up to these days. THANK YOU!!

Dear Jeremiah-

Happy birthday little man.I pictured this day very differently in my head. I should have been waking up this morning to frantically finishing up last minute things for your birthday. I should be making sure your birthday outfit is laid out and perfect. I should be running after you and M making sure you were eating your breakfast. Instead....I am lighting a candle for you and hoping that God has given you the million kisses I would have given you today. Hoping and knowing that the cupcakes in heaven are amazing and that you get the biggest frog cupcake ever!! Papi, M, and I miss you everyday and no matter what know that you will ALWAYS be a missing piece in our family picture. I love you my little bullfrog!!