Jelly Bean Chronicles

I noticed the other day that the page I blogged on while pregnant with V was not posted. Let me just back up a little bit and explain, while pregnant I did blog about everything on that journey. There were lots of things that were done differently this time to avoid pre-ecalampsia, which was my issue in my first two pregnancies. I wanted to make sure I wrote about it and documented all the things I did differently for this pregnancy not knowing if any of the things I did would work. Now that V is here I can say that some of the things may have made the difference in her healthy arrival. There was one thing I did differently this time that I did not blog about or add on that page for some reason- I got my teeth and mouth cleaned intensively right before the pregnancy. Research has shown that poor oral health can contribute to complications in pregnancy- $800.00 later I can say the money paid was well worth it. Anyhow....the page is now posted if anyone is interested in reading about my rainbow pregnancy.

Hugs to all!!

Oh by the way the family member who was upset that they did not know about my pregnancy has come around and has reached out. I can honestly say it was good for my soul to hear from them.

Catching Up

This post is a random assortment of things on my mind in the last week. I first want to say thank you so much to all of you for your warm welcoming of my little baby V. Life around here has been full of much wanted and needed adjustments. She is absolutely perfect and I am so thankful she has come our way. I can't help but look at her sometimes and think would she be here if everything would have worked the way it was suppose to with Jeremiah? I know there is no way of knowing that but it's such a weird thing to feel. I will never know. Many family members have been so surprised of her arrival- this was expected especially because we chose to keep her a secret. I do have one family member who is very upset and has not spoken to me about it and has been avoiding me because I did not include them in the news- this was not expected since the goal was a healthy baby at the end. I hope some day soon that, that person gets over it and gets to know my little V. I have also had a follower stop following me because of the news of the baby. I am not really sure why...this person has been following my blog since the beginning. I did not mean to offend anyone with her arrival news neither in real life or in blogging land. I guess only time will tell.

Today was my little man's birthday- he turned 3....time flies. I can't believe time has passed so quickly with him. It literally feels like yesterday he was just born. He is such a good little boy. He is full of personality and has been my rock in so many ways when Jeremiah passed. Since the baby has arrived he has grown up so much and loves the baby- which was something I was very nervous about.

I also wanted to post pictures of Jeremiah's Angel day. I did release balloons for the angel babies. I even released some for ones that weren't requested but knew that Jeremiah is playing with them in heaven and they would be at the celebration. Sorry I could not take pictures of all the balloons one at a time. I did plan to but the wind at the cemetery was rough and I could barely hold on to the balloons. I will post more later but here are some for now....

Balloons ready to be released...

That's all for now. I hope everyone is doing well....Hugs!!

Jeremiah's Precious Gift

***Warning this post contains triggers!

"I will turn your sadness to gladness." Jeremiah 31:13

I have been wanting to post this for a while...I would say 37 weeks! Yes...you guessed it, this post is about a beautiful gift that Jeremiah has sent our way, two days after his first Angel day. Our beautiful rainbow baby. I would like to introduce you to our precious baby V born yesterday July 15th at 2:41 pm. 7 pounds 2 ounces

This has been a very difficult journey after his loss. You may be wondering why I waited so long to spill the beans, well.....at first I did not want to hurt other mommies feelings. Then I decided I will post something at 12 weeks. When we got to 12 weeks, I chickened out. Then, the magic number was 15 then 20 when we got to 20, I just decided I waited this long I might as well wait until baby is here. Another reason why is that we kept the baby from family. We have been hibernating from family functions and such because we did not want family to know about her and panic. So not posting it on here meant they would't find out from here. This may answer some questions about some of my previous posts about a family event coming soon, physical limitations, health on my happy list, mentions of rainbow and living sibilings for Jeremiah. So I am so very sorry for keeping this beautiful little girl from you for the last 9 months but it's been a difficult journey that I am now happy to share! If you want to read more about my jelly bean's pregnancy- I blogged about it in the Jelly Bean Chronicles. Why jelly bean? Well in her first ultrasound she looked like a jelly bean to us and the name just stuck. This has been a VERY difficult journey especially this last couple weeks, knowing there was a possibilty that Jeremiah and Baby V could have shared a birthday. Thank you for all the support with your comments, cards, and little tokens for his special day. Again I am sorry for not sharing the news earlier, Thank you for understanding- I hope no one is upset with the choice I made about not posting until she got here. Now that she is here...Hooray!

Hugs!

Thank you!!!

I want to thank you to all of you for all the thoughts, prayers, comments, e-mails, cards, and your kindness. One mommy even left a yellow flower for Jeremiah on his marker- Thank you Darcey!! I can honestly say that the day got better. It ended up as a day of peace, thanks to all of you. I did release 20 balloons for all of your angels, we had cupcakes, and we just sat and enjoyed the shade with Jeremiah. I will post pictures soon.

Thank you all for being so amazing- you are truly a great community and I can't thank you enough!

Happy Angel Day Jeremiah!

So here we are again, July 13th and I meet again. I wasn't sure what to expect as I woke up this morning. During the night I kept dreaming the same dream, different people kept sending me the same package over and over again followed by sensations of wetness all around my legs- Very strange. My husband then came over and gave me a hug and a kiss as he left for work. When I hugged him I just could not let go and tears just ran down my face. It felt so comforting. He has been there every single day acting as a rock for me, for M, when I know all he wants to do is cry....Jeremiah is his son. I love him and I thank him for all he is done. He told me take it easy today and kissed me on my forehead. As soon as I heard the door close another feeling set in, a feeling that was all to familiar the days after I got home from the hospital. It's that sick to your stomach grief combined with emptiness and all I want to do is throw up.(sorry TMI but I did- many times) It took me two months after he passed to get rid of that feeling. Why did it come back today?? Why today?? I now have lit his candle and am attempting to eat something. Attempting is an understatement. The yogurt still sits with the lid on it- I have yet to touch it. Another familiar feeling- lack of hunger. Grief has taken that too. I sure hope that as the day moves on it get easier. I hear M on the monitor right now and it makes me smile. M and I are making cupcakes and then later releasing balloons.We'll see.

I want to say THANK YOU for all the cards, gifts, and support I have gotten from such a great community leading up to these days. THANK YOU!!

Dear Jeremiah-

Happy birthday little man.I pictured this day very differently in my head. I should have been waking up this morning to frantically finishing up last minute things for your birthday. I should be making sure your birthday outfit is laid out and perfect. I should be running after you and M making sure you were eating your breakfast. Instead....I am lighting a candle for you and hoping that God has given you the million kisses I would have given you today. Hoping and knowing that the cupcakes in heaven are amazing and that you get the biggest frog cupcake ever!! Papi, M, and I miss you everyday and no matter what know that you will ALWAYS be a missing piece in our family picture. I love you my little bullfrog!!

48 Hours

In 48 hours it will be a year since I found out about the loss of my little Jeremiah. It's weird because at this point I am not sure how I feel. Is this possible?? It really is a mixed bag of emotions but they come in waves. Waves I can't even put into words. I know for Jeremiah's due date I felt lots of anxiety the days before but on the actual date all I felt was peace in a weird way. Will this be the same?? I don't know-- I still have 48 hours to find out.

Hugs to all! If you haven't emailed me about releasing a balloon in honor of your baby for Jeremiah's birthday-please do jeremiahsboxes@gmail.com or you can just comment on this post.

Caylee's Law

I am not huge on passing on certain things. I am also not a huge facebooker or twitter. Actually, I deactivated my Facebook account after Jeremiah's loss. But here is something I feel strongly about. It is called Caylee's Law it is a petition to start a law in the name of the little girl who went missing and her mother failed to report it. Unfortunately, the mother was found not guilty of her murder but if a law like the one that is being proposed is signed into federal law, parents who do not report their child missing within 24 hours will be charged with a felony. Personally if M went missing for 31 seconds I would go crazy let alone 31 days. You definitely won't find me getting a tattoo about my "beautiful life" or dancing on a stripper pole. (Sorry- I can't help it.) If you want to read more and sign the petition please go here.

Hope everyone is doing well. Hugs!