I am first going to start with the memorial butterflies. I have had 13 requested as of yesterday evening and they are all done. I have gotten a few more request and will be working on those in the next couple days. I have also offered to make some for Addison's memory boxes for her wonderful mother Mary. Thank you all who have requested butterflies. It has been a pleasure to help you remember your special angel and has also helped me in my healing process. Having projects in place for Jeremiah gives me hope and also brigs me lots of happiness. I could not resist but I put all the butterflies so far on my fridge. I love how they look...Jeremiah and some of his angel friends. OH how bittersweet!
Now that I have gone over the good....let me get some things off of my mind. As I have mentioned before I work at a new school. My main role is to work with struggling readers in grades K and first. Well one of the first grade teachers is due with a son any day now. I have made it my mission to stay away from her. One because I needed it for me and two I did not want it to ever come out that I had a loss at 28 weeks of pregnancy because I did not want to freak her out. Anyhow, my office mate who is the reading coach and her best friend who works with stragglers in 2nd and 3rd decided they wanted to throw a baby shower for her. Another first grade teacher decided to take over giving out responsibilities. Some how I ended up being signed up to make punch and centerpieces. Are you serious!??!?!? I just couldn't! I just recently got pictures of my nephew in CA who was born in Nov. because I requested them and have yet to send a gift for him. I have noticed through this horrible journey that I must do things at my own pace and that is definitely something I was not comfortable with. I had to talk to both the reading coach and the other resource teacher and they are both mommies and they understood. One took over the punch and the other the table centerpieces. The first grade teacher however, did not get it. An hour before the shower today she asked if I would be there. Crazy!! Needless to say I did not go to the shower and did not get a gift but it was just such an awkward situation for me. Thankfully two out of the three understood.
Now on to the next flow of emotions this week has brought....I was talking to a friend today about Jeremiah. The first thing out of her mouth was.."I miss him. He has taught me so much and I truly want you to know that I really love him and that I light a candle in his memory almost everyday." She really touched my heart. It's great to hear when someone mentions him and has something positive to say about him.
I also won a book called "Knocked up and Knocked down" from KK's Wings. I got it today and have not started reading it but I did flip through it. In the appendix it has a section that I really enjoyed reading. It starts by saying "Congratulations: you just got royally screwd! Something very bad happened to you through no fault of your own and, and now you are one of those people bad things happen to." Then it goes on to read..."Did I just mention that you just got royally screwed? As in, ravaged on the inside? You're in survival mode right now. This means you can- and should, damn it!- do whatever in heck's name you feel like doing when it comes to avoiding potentially dicey events like holidays and baby showers." There was my sign that it was okay to nix in helping on someone I barely knows shower and that not attending was ok. Thank you so much for the book Alissa, I know it will be a great read. For all the other BLM out there if you get a chance you should read it. As a matter of fact, I will give it away once I get to 50 followers!! I'm at 26 so I should get there soon. 
Thinking of my little Jeremiah and all the other babies this week. Hugs to all of you!
8 comments:
I love that the butterflies are on your fridge. I love that Jacob's butterfly is surrounded by the butterflies of other babies. I love the butterfly you made for Jacob and look at it often. Thank you again!
I also had someone at work who was pregnant after I lost Jacob. She was a month ahead of me and I avoided her like the plague when I came back to work. Even my coworkers got in on it. if they knew she was on a certain floor and there was a chance I was going there, they warned me not too.
I wouldn't have been able to do the baby shower thing at all and it makes me so mad that they assigned you ANY responsibilities.
I love what your friend said about Jeremiah. There is really nothing like hearing that your baby's life has touched that of another and is thought about everyday.
I think I have to order that book. It sounds great!
All those butterflies look so very cute!! Def bitter sweet <3 Thank you for making one for my dear Genesis. I cant wait to get it in the mail :)
Im sorry not everyone can understand what we need as BLMs but so glad that at least 2 our of 3 respected your wishes and feelings.
You have a beautiful friend! That is so great that she speaks his name and does things in his memory. Friends like that are like diamonds in the rough. Seeing that she lights a candle for him almost daily brought tears to my eyes.
This book sounds amazing! I cant wait till your giveaway. Im always looking for a good read. Im gonna try and spread the word of your blog so you get more followers.
Sending you love <3
The book sounds funny..well in a serious kinda way.
Your butterflies are so cute...I want one but I must wait a few more weeks.
The workmate thing....RUDE...I hate that some people just don't get it. I'm glad that you have been able to recover from such unloving people and their actions.
~Felicia
I agree with Tiffany...having a friend like that is wonderful. The two women I was pregnant with are both like that. They talk about her like she is still here. All three of us had plans to ge the babies together for play groups. Recently we got together and said just how much we wish we could still do that. Those kinds of people are one in a million...thankfully I have several, many who are members of my own family. They aren't afraid to talk about her which is wonderful. Its music to my ears when they say her name.
The butterflies look wonderful. Thank you again for offering to make some for the memory boxes, and for Addie's. Bittersweet yes, but beautiful all the same. Jeremiah is proud of you momma! It is a womderful thing you are doing for all of us BLMs.
Agree with mary and tiffany about having those diamond in the rough type people in your life! I have recently had to purge my life of those negative nancy's.. people who were holding me back from properly grieving.. people who made it about them! it's funny.. I just wrote a blog about something similar!
I will definitely look for that book! I'm intrigued by just the few lines you shared! I just ordered my butterfly last night and can't wait to get it... it's such a wonderful and kind thing you are doing for other BLM's in honor of your jeremiah! And having them on the fridge like that is definitely bittersweet... all our babies are havin a blast!
I too will spread the word of your blog :)
Take care!! xoxo
Thank you so much for being my light twice today. I also got my first baby shower invite (less than 30 minutes ago actually). Your email to me and your blog have been the only bright spots in my world today and I can't thank you enough.
<3 Amy
Thank you ladies for your kind words. All of you are amazing!
Thank you so much for the butterflies you made for the girls!!! They're beautiful!
I also have several women at work that are pregnant and some that have just delivered healthy babies. I teach with them and some are so dear to me. However, it's definitely hard to get past that to celebrate with them. I struggle with wanting to be happy for them and wanting to cry for myself. But, I want to make an impact on others for Christ. I know that I'm strong enough to handle it and others aren't at the point. I understand all of that. The hardest part is that everyone at my school knows what I've been through(had to miss three months of school) so they're all watching me to see how I handle things. I know that they would be very supportive if I couldn't handle it though so I know it's hard for you with that one person that doesn't get it. And then again...sometimes I think maybe I don't recognize that I'm not really that strong and I'm doing irreparable damage to myself. Who knows? I definitely don't. I commend you for knowing what's right and good for you at this point..b/c I'm not sure I do and don't know how to go about it. okay, wow...sorry I rambled about nothingness. {Hugs your way} I'm praying for you and hope that things will get a little bit easier each day.
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