New Design and Sundays

Franchesca from Small Bird Studios redesigned my blog. I absolutely love it. It is exactly what I envisioned, I have always used frogs to remember Jeremiah as well as hold his foot picture as a dear memory. She also used the colors I have always used for him blue and green. Thank you so much Franchesca!!

Today is Sunday. Sundays have changed so drastically changed in my world in the last 7 months. I will fully admit I never went to church and would specifically call Sundays--Pajama Sundays. I would stay in the house and only come out unless my hair was on fire! Now Sundays have a new purpose. I get up make breakfast and get my whole family to church by 10:30. After that we go check on Jeremiah as a family. We sit on baby blankets that people gave us to use for Jeremiah. Then we talk and spend time there. It saddens me that my two year old knows the routine, as soon as we get there he asks for his blanket and sits and plays with his cars next to his brother's marker. Then it's off to the house to find some kind of remembrance of what Sundays use to be or dream of how Sundays should of been with Jeremiah in our lives physically. I miss my bullfrog!

On another note, I won another giveaway from Mattie at http://www.beautywillrise.blogspot.com/. I won this beautiful charm from My Forever Child. I never win anything and I entered 6 giveaways and won 4 of them. That was so amazing, I might go play the lottery. Thank you Mattie!

Happy Sunday to all!



Lots on my mind....

I am first going to start with the memorial butterflies. I have had 13 requested as of yesterday evening and they are all done. I have gotten a few more request and will be working on those in the next couple days. I have also offered to make some for Addison's memory boxes for her wonderful mother Mary. Thank you all who have requested butterflies. It has been a pleasure to help you remember your special angel and has also helped me in my healing process. Having projects in place for Jeremiah gives me hope and also brigs me lots of happiness. I could not resist but I put all the butterflies so far on my fridge. I love how they look...Jeremiah and some of his angel friends. OH how bittersweet!

Now that I have gone over the good....let me get some things off of my mind. As I have mentioned before I work at a new school. My main role is to work with struggling readers in grades K and first. Well one of the first grade teachers is due with a son any day now. I have made it my mission to stay away from her. One because I needed it for me and two I did not want it to ever come out that I had a loss at 28 weeks of pregnancy because I did not want to freak her out. Anyhow, my office mate who is the reading coach and her best friend who works with stragglers in 2nd and 3rd decided they wanted to throw a baby shower for her. Another first grade teacher decided to take over giving out responsibilities. Some how I ended up being signed up to make punch and centerpieces. Are you serious!??!?!? I just couldn't! I just recently got pictures of my nephew in CA who was born in Nov. because I requested them and have yet to send a gift for him. I have noticed through this horrible journey that I must do things at my own pace and that is definitely something I was not comfortable with. I had to talk to both the reading coach and the other resource teacher and they are both mommies and they understood. One took over the punch and the other the table centerpieces. The first grade teacher however, did not get it. An hour before the shower today she asked if I would be there. Crazy!! Needless to say I did not go to the shower and did not get a gift but it was just such an awkward situation for me. Thankfully two out of the three understood.

Now on to the next flow of emotions this week has brought....I was talking to a friend today about Jeremiah. The first thing out of her mouth was.."I miss him. He has taught me so much and I truly want you to know that I really love him and that I light a candle in his memory almost everyday." She really touched my heart. It's great to hear when someone mentions him and has something positive to say about him.

I also won a book called "Knocked up and Knocked down" from KK's Wings. I got it today and have not started reading it but I did flip through it. In the appendix it has a section that I really enjoyed reading. It starts by saying "Congratulations: you just got royally screwd! Something very bad happened to you through no fault of your own and, and now you are one of those people bad things happen to."  Then it goes on to read..."Did I just mention that you just got royally screwed? As in, ravaged on the inside? You're in survival mode right now. This means you can- and should, damn it!- do whatever in heck's name you feel like doing when it comes to avoiding potentially dicey events like holidays and baby showers." There was my sign that it was okay to nix in helping on someone I barely knows shower and that not attending was ok. Thank you so much for the book Alissa, I know it will be a great read. For all the other BLM out there if you get a chance you should read it. As a matter of fact, I will give it away once I get to 50 followers!! I'm at 26 so I should get there soon.

Thinking of my little Jeremiah and all the other babies this week. Hugs to all of you!

Attention Baby Loss Mommies!!

I am so excited! I finally came up with a way to give back to such a wonderful on-line community that has given me so much support. I have come up with memory butterflies.

  

I personally like to put pictures and such on my refrigerator. It brings me happiness to see my family and memories. While working on Jeremiah's boxes I decided that I would add a laminated die cut butterfly and poem to the box. Then I thought a magnet would be a good idea so that the butterfly can be displayed....then like a lighting bolt it hit me---I can put a name in the middle.

Well I would like to offer these butterflies to you. If you would like one please email me the color of the butterfly you would like and the name you would like on the butterfly and I will mail it to you with the poem attached. That way you can have one to place on your fridge at home. I look forward to being able to send one to you in memory of your special angel.

Email- RCalderon2629@gmail.com

Color- I have light blue, light green, pink and purple available to you right away. Other colors will take me a little longer. 

Name- Any two names are fine. I can do first and last or first and middle. Anything else I don't think will fit.
Mailing Address- Where I can send you the butterfly.  

Hope

I really love to read other mommies blogs and I also enjoy getting to know everyone in the wonderful BL community. I saw this on another mommy's blog and thought it was a great idea. Franchesca from small bird studio's started the blog hop. Every month there will be a new topic, this month it's about hope.



The question is-

What small {or big!} miracles have brought you hope lately? I hope you'll share a piece of your journey by joining the blog hop :)

This is a really loaded question. I have gotten lots of pieces of hope lately. I am great at making lists so it seems fitting to write it that way.

1- Jeremiah's Boxes- The amount of support I have gotten on this project brings me hope. Not only because I feel like I am doing something in his memory but to see that people who have been there from the beginning are still there and supporting his memory make me happy. It also brings the hope that he will always be remembered.

2- I know this may sound weird but little reminders from him on a daily basis bring me hope. I really feel like he sends me messages in his own special way. The little frogs I see around my house (not inside...) that started showing up after his passing, the signs in the clouds he sends, even songs that come on the radio at precisely the right time that remind me of him just when I need it....all brings me hope that he is having a great time in heaven with all his angel friends and he misses us as well. It also gives me hope that I will get to kiss and hug him again one day!

3- M and the idea of a rainbow baby bring me hope. Every time I see M smile and hear him laugh it fills my heart. It sends me a message that even though my world has been rocked in the last 7 months good things are still surrounding me and I must embrace them. The idea of having another baby when I see a rainbow or read another mommy's blog that they successfully welcomed a healthy baby after their loss gives me the confidence that I can do this too!

4- I have hope in God. I know he has a plan for me and my future. Although I may not fully understand his plan, I have hope that it will be a good one.

The Little Giraffe

I first want to start by saying....I actually won something!! I never win anything. I won a copy of A Woman After God's Own Heart from Megan at A Story Unfolding. I am so excited!! I can't wait to start reading. Thank you Megan.

One of the teachers in my district posted this on the reading teachers post. I thought it was interesting and fitting to remind us that even though we have hit a huge brick wall and have been taken out of our comfort zone....we will survive!

BABY giraffes never go to school. But they learn a very important lesson rather early in life.

The birth of a baby giraffe is quite an earth-shaking event.The baby falls from its mothers womb, some eight feet above the ground. It shrivels up and lies still, too weak to move.

The mother giraffe lovingly lowers her neck to smooch the baby giraffe. And then something incredible happens. She lifts her long leg and kicks the baby giraffe, sending it flying up in the air and tumbling down on the ground. As the baby lies curled up, the mother kicks the baby again and again Until the baby giraffe, still trembling and tired, pushes its limbs and for the first time learns to stand on its feet.

Happy to see the baby standing on its own feet, the mother giraffe comes over and gives it yet another kick. The baby giraffe falls one more time, but now quickly recovers and stands up.
Mama Giraffe is delighted. She knows that her baby has learn an important lesson:
Never mind how hard you fall, always remember to pick yourself up and get back on your feet.

Why does the mother giraffe do this? She knows that lions and leopards love giraffe meat.
So unless the baby giraffe quickly learns to stand and run with the pack it will have no chance of survival. Most of us though are not quite as lucky as baby giraffes. No one teaches us to stand up every time we fall. When we fail, when we are down, we just give up. No one kicks us out of our comfort zone to remind us that to survive and succeed, we need to learn to get back on our feet.You will find that the common streak running through their lives is their ability to stand up every time they fall. The ability of the baby giraffe!

The road to success is never an easy one. There are several obstacles, and you are bound to fall sooner or later. You will hit a road block,you will taste failure. But success lies in being able to get up every time you fall. That's a critical life skill. And its the habit of all successful people

7 Months

Today is officially 7 months since I last said goodbye to my little bullfrog.

I had a horrible dream last night. For some reason I was trying to explain to someone that I had lost a little one named Jeremiah. She did not believe me, so through out the whole dream I was trying to prove to her that I did loose him. I was trying to show her pictures on my blog, my computer, my phone, but I could not find my blog nor any of the pictures on the computer. She kept calling me a liar. I insisted that she get in my car and that I would drive her to the cemetery. As I drove there she kept telling me that I needed to stop making up stories and that maybe I needed to seek some counseling. When we arrived at babyland, he wasn't there. There was another baby in his place. All the other babies were there, the only difference was Jeremiah's plot. It had a whole new name. It was so odd. She kept calling me a liar. I kept showing her my tattoo and she kept calling me a liar. Oh, how horrible. I didn't even know this lady- never seen her before in real life. I wish I didn't have a child in the cemetery, I wish I didn't have to explain to people what happened to him but it is my reality.

To remember Jeremiah today we sent him balloons in heaven. I wanted to do it at the cemetery but I forgot the sharpie so we will do it from his garden after M gets up from his nap. Here's the picture I took of Jeremiah's marker today in preparation of Valentine's Day.

I love you Jeremiah!!

Jeremiah's Blanket

When I was pregnant with M, my aunt who is a seamstress and has an amazing talent, made a beautiful blanket for him. Jose and I framed it and put in on the wall in his room instead of buying letters to spell out his name.

Well...while pregnant with Jeremiah she said she would make one for him but since we had a hard time deciding on a name she never started it. Yesterday I got this in the mail and I can't even begin to describe all the emotions that came over me.

The fact that she made one for him filled my heart. He may not be here physically but he's still mine and part of the family. I also feel that she got it right, he does send love down from heaven everyday to us. Right after we loss him, I read a bible verse in M's bible that said: I will turn your sadness into gladness.- Jeremiah 31:13. That stuck me because I felt like he was sending me a message especially since that was exactly a month after we loss him and I was having a rough day. The numbers 3 and 1 also struck me because he was born on the 13th.  It makes me sad when people don't acknowledge him so getting this from her made my day. I love her so much. Who would have ever thought that my wonderful aunt who made dresses for me growing up would be making blankets for my baby boys. I definately hope she makes one for my rainbow baby, when the time comes.