Help....Where can I find this

Pinwheel???

If any of you have seen this pinwheel for sale, please let me know where. It's a frog!!! Gotta love it!! I would like to buy 8 of them in time for Jeremiah's angel day.

The Secret Life....

Okay I must admit that right after I had M, the premiere of The Secret Life of the American Teenager began. Since I was on maternity leave I could not stop watching that show. Don't know why...the acting is not great but it's kind of like the Jeresy Shore- I couldn't change the channel. After Jeremiah was born, the story line came out that Adrienne- one of the teens was pregnant with Ben's baby. It was too difficult to watch. So I stopped all together. I was angry that I had lost a perfect little boy and this teenager on TV was going to have a baby with barely any consequences. I know it's fake but grief didn't let me think that way. I was catching up on some of my blog reading yesterday and I noticed someones post about the show. Stating that Adrienne, had a stillborn baby on the show. I got very curious and tried to hulu it but came up empty. Then I went to youtube and found it there. I was so impressed with the way ABC handled such a "taboo" issue. I loved how they made it a reality- one that is very real and happens unfortunately on a daily basis. I like how they show their intended audience-which is teenagers- that having a baby is not all roses and could end up in tragedy. Kudos to ABC. I decided to post the last 14 minutes of the youtube video here for those of you that missed it. I also watched the season 4 episodes and how Adrienne is handling the loss and how those around her are handling it, this was also well done by both the writers and producers.

***Before you watch, please know that it is very well done and could be a trigger.

Dear Baby Grave Robbers

Okay so for Memorial Day, the family went to Disney World. We have gone once before after losing Jeremiah, but it was very difficult to find something that would not get ruined by the weather nor get stolen. So after lots of thinking and thinking, I thought a mickey shaped antenna cover would be great! I was so excited. I had my husband to buy some small dowel rods so I can put it next to Jeremiah's marker. Last Sunday June 12, on my husbands birthday we finally took it to the cemetery and placed it on his marker. I had posted before that because of the weather, physical limitations (I will blog about this soon), and M we have not been going as often. This past Sunday, Father's day, we went again to clean up his area and to just check on it and when we arrived I quickly noticed that his Mickey ears were gone. Furious, til this day I can't imagine why people do this. This is not the first time something was stolen off of his marker. You can read more here. It makes me angry. I really want to laminate the letter below and glue it on a dowel rod next to Jeremiah's marker for all to see. (It's not really going to happen. However, this is exactly how I feel.)

Dear Grave Robber-

Please know that this is our little boy who lays in this spot. It hurts us deeply to know that he is under this ground. We wish he were home with us. This is all we have left of him, the place where his body lies. Do you realize that we will NEVER get to see our little boy grow up. We will NEVER hear his voice or hear his laughter. We will NEVER be able to take him to his first day of school nor will we ever be able to watch him graduate from high school. We will NEVER get to see him get married nor will be have grandchildren from him. All we have is his memory and the little bit of items we can bring to him and call his- PLEASE leave them here for him. These items are for him. They were not intended for you or anyone else to take them. This is our "normal" life now. Please respect that and the items we bring for him.

Thank you!
The Calderon's

Birthday Plans

Jeremiah's first birthday is next month- July 13th. I am sad that I have to plan a memorial rather than a birthday but I do want to make sure he is remembered on that day. Here are some of the things I have in mind.

1- Donating 20 memorial boxes in his memory. 15 of the boxes will be for the NICU/Labor and Delivery Floors at Tampa Hospitals and 5 will be for the PICU.

2- Buying a brick in his memory. I wanted to buy him one at Disneyworld but they don't sell them anymore here. So I found a park that is a children's memorial park here in the area and will be buying him a brick there.

3- Lighting a candle in memory of him for the whole week before and on that day.

4- Cake. I haven't decided on frog cupcakes or a cake yet.

5- A balloon release. I want to release balloons in his memory but also want to honor your babies as well. Please e-mail me jeremiahsboxes@gmail.com or comment on this post with the name(s) of your baby and I will release a balloon in their memory on that day as well. The way I see it they are all celebrating together on that say so why not send them balloons too.

That's all I plan on doing this year, I wish I could do more. If you have any ideas please let me know.

Lots Going On

I have noticed I have been extra sensitive lately. Lots is going on but the main thing coming up is Jeremiah's birthday in July. I want to do something special and plan on doing a balloon release. I want to honor your little one on that day too...so I plan on purchasing balloons and writing your babies name on the balloons to honor them. If you are interested, please email me the name of your baby at jeremiahsboxes@gmail.com. I will post pictures on that day.

I also want everyone to know that I will be closing memory butterfly requests for the next month. The last day is June 15th. If you would like one- please send in your request here. It probably won't open again until August sometime.

This last week has also brought new happy things my way- I have gotten some new name collection pictures for Jeremiah. You can view them and request your own here.

I also received this blanket from Shaina from Rows of Remembrance. It has 28 rows in memory of my little Jeremiah. Love it!

There are also lots of awesome things going on with Jeremiah's Boxes. I will update that blog soon.

Thank you all for reading!! Sending lots of hugs your way.

Conversation

Here is a snippet of a conversation I heard while at a children's store today...

(By the way these are two women with children and work at this store)

Lady 1- Oh Jenna put on FB that she's in the hospital ready to have the baby

Lady 2- That's great I know she was getting irritated with the baby.

Lady 1- Yea I know I hated being pregnant so I can understand.

Lady 2- People are so stupid when they say that being pregnant is such a blessing, Yeah having someone stab your ribs constantly is not something I consider a blessing.

Lady 1- I really only had my kids so they can have siblings. How they got here I don't care for.

Lady 2- I hate how people would tell me to enjoy it. I was so glad when it was over.

Lady Shopping interrupts the conversation asking for help.

When you live in a world where you have fertility issues or you experience a loss at any point of pregnancy- IT IS A BLESSING!!! By the way Lady 2 is pregnant with child #2.

Ugh...these two made me so mad.

Pitty

An emotion I can't stand!! There is someone I saw today that gave me that pitty look. It was M's babysitters daughter. She is also a mom of a 4 year old, a teacher, as well as a couple of years older than I am. When I went to pick him up today she gave me that look and when she noticed that I was looking at her gave me that half pitiful smile. Oh how I hate that look! I was so angry, tears ran down my face. I am so proud of who I am, yes losing a child is not a great experience, but in some weird way I feel like this horrible journey has made me a better person. Why should I feel ashamed of having an angel in heaven that has made me a better person? So that the world can understand please don't feel bad for me or my son or family we are learning to hop to a new normal and we have NOTHING to be ashamed of......

Hugs to all!